[He wouldn't say as much out loud, (because it's basically the opposite of cool) but as Ed grips the bar tight and feels absolutely no shift of weight, the completely immovable barrier between them, something in his brain hisses, don't you just wanna go apeshit?
And yes. Yes he does.]
Yeah, excellent, just follow my lead.
[And then without so much as a warning, he's reaching as best he can through the bars, grabbing Stede by the collar, and hauling him in close. His other hand remains wrapped around the bar to ensure Stede doesn't headbutt it and knock himself out or something. He raises his voice, although it's not as threatening as it could be. Doesn't feel great to yell super loud in Stede's face.]
What'd you say to me? I don't give a shit how unharmed and fucking comfortable the supposed captain of this shithole wants you, I'll mess that pretty boy face of yours right up.
[Just in case Stede can't see through his admittedly brilliant acting, Ed shakes his hair forward to hide his face from the guard, and winks.]
[ So much happens all at once. Maybe it's not "so much" objectively, but it's definitely happening all at once. Stede gets yanked in with a sincerely startled oop. Ed's hand probably does keep him from knocking himself out on the bar, but the cool thing about that is that since Stede didn't get knocked out, he can pretend he's very savvy and avoided it on purpose.
Ed yell at Stede? Ed yell at Stede like the enemy? Jail for Ed for a thousand more years. Okay, not really, Stede just makes a journey through startled and kind of offended and visibly confused on his path to full comprehension.
And here he was momentarily wondering if he'd somehow managed to hit a sore spot by being at someone's disposal. Wow. Ed is so good at basically everything that's cool.
Like theatre, and having big brown eyes. ]
Yeah, well! [ Well!!!!!! ] I'd challenge you to say that to my pretty boy face, but you've clearly already done that. So. Unhand me, you...
[ What's a general Gentleman Pirate-y insult he could use that wouldn't be too mean to Ed. ]
You cur!
[ Sure. Yes. That wasn't too mean. They are both definitely equally very good at acting. ]
[The moment that Stede seems to think Ed is actually legitimately angry is in the top ten worst moments of Ed's life. No more yelling at Stede for the sake of a fuckery without fair warning, he vows to himself. Really honestly should have been a rule already.
He watches Stede recover and throw himself into the role remarkably quickly though, and it gives Ed a surely misplaced little zing of pride. It's also hard to keep an angry sort of pirate-y face on when he wants to grin in delight at Stede calling him a cur. The resulting expression is a weird, deeply unpleasant looking grimace as he forces his mouth to stay down. Super weird.
It's seemingly worth it, because the anxious looking guard takes a couple of hesitating steps forward, apparently less brave without his mates around, and half-heartedly tells them to quit it. What did you say, um, about captain? Ed ignores him.]
Uh, I won't unhand you, actually! I'll do the opposite of unhand you! I'll double hand you!
[He lets go of the bar now, Stede's head being safe and all, to scrunch up Stede's jacket in his other hand as well, and give him shake with exactly 0 force behind it. The absolutely batshit look in his eyes implores Stede to play it up.]
[ Finally, being a big drama nerd and minoring in Ed translation thread together for the inevitable payoff. Stede muppets it up to a level he considers appropriate.
You can't over-sell a jailhouse scuffle, in his opinion. ]
How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am?
[ This is actually ideal, because getting double handed is free real estate to get ahold of one of Ed's wrists. Which does temporarily settle some nameless, harrowing feeling about being separated that he was contending with. Maybe it's a touch too gentle, but, well, he's him. If something he does comes off as too soft or ineffective, people tend not to be very surprised about it.
May as well play to his strengths for the sake of the intricate ritual. ]
When the man in charge hears about this, he won't be lenient.
[ Probably no one has ever had as much fun being in jail as they are having. Good for them. ]
[The guard looks good and proper worried now, and is exactly as stupid as Ed was hoping- clearly underestimating Stede and his propensity for chaos, the dude beelines to his cell door and fumbles to unlock it. Under the clanking of metal, Ed hisses to Stede, ]
When I signal, duck left, and if you can, sweep his legs like I showed you.
[And then the guard is on them, on Stede, and Ed sort of sees red, blood boiling in a very distracting way, so that he almost forgets to give the word.]
Move!
[And as Stede hopefully ducks left, Ed lets go of him to seize the guard by his shirt and yank him down to the right, slamming his head full force against the bars. No safety grip to protect him.]
[ Ha. Sucks to be that guard. Either get better at it or find a new career, in Stede's personal very important opinion. Not that anyone of any skill level could be immune to their special brand of masterful trickery, probably.
Mostly it's so masterful because it's Ed's masterful trickery. Stede will be proud to have a hand on the ball in any case.
Which is to say, he ducks left. It's only the fact that they operate on the same singular and very dumb wavelength that makes this successful. Literally anyone else and Stede would have to be like "okay but whose left," or he'd guess wrong and become this man's accidental safety cushion, but not today. Today is a day for moderate success.
Anyway he fails to sweep the legs. He does kick the guard in the ankles very hard instead, though. Given the sturdiness and quality of Stede's standard heel, it's the next best option. Maybe something crunches. Who's to say? Not Stede, who doesn't care and doesn't plan to think about it. ]
Terminology question: does it count as looting if they're not a corpse? Or is this more of a "general thievery"?
[ Local man just rooting through a guard's uniform like a feral little weirdo on main.
He can't say he sees the personal appeal in this part of things, more power to all the pirates out there who are into it, but as needs must. See, the most basic and pressing equation overruling all other thought processes is that keys = no more separate cells. They were apart for so long after getting arrested already, so putting them in different spots was just uncalled for and needs to be remedied. Also it's bad that they are in jail, but that's so secondary. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thats the only kind of cell i know
And yes. Yes he does.]
Yeah, excellent, just follow my lead.
[And then without so much as a warning, he's reaching as best he can through the bars, grabbing Stede by the collar, and hauling him in close. His other hand remains wrapped around the bar to ensure Stede doesn't headbutt it and knock himself out or something. He raises his voice, although it's not as threatening as it could be. Doesn't feel great to yell super loud in Stede's face.]
What'd you say to me? I don't give a shit how unharmed and fucking comfortable the supposed captain of this shithole wants you, I'll mess that pretty boy face of yours right up.
[Just in case Stede can't see through his admittedly brilliant acting, Ed shakes his hair forward to hide his face from the guard, and winks.]
no subject
Ed yell at Stede? Ed yell at Stede like the enemy? Jail for Ed for a thousand more years. Okay, not really, Stede just makes a journey through startled and kind of offended and visibly confused on his path to full comprehension.
And here he was momentarily wondering if he'd somehow managed to hit a sore spot by being at someone's disposal. Wow. Ed is so good at basically everything that's cool.
Like theatre, and having big brown eyes. ]
Yeah, well! [ Well!!!!!! ] I'd challenge you to say that to my pretty boy face, but you've clearly already done that. So. Unhand me, you...
[ What's a general Gentleman Pirate-y insult he could use that wouldn't be too mean to Ed. ]
You cur!
[ Sure. Yes. That wasn't too mean. They are both definitely equally very good at acting. ]
no subject
He watches Stede recover and throw himself into the role remarkably quickly though, and it gives Ed a surely misplaced little zing of pride. It's also hard to keep an angry sort of pirate-y face on when he wants to grin in delight at Stede calling him a cur. The resulting expression is a weird, deeply unpleasant looking grimace as he forces his mouth to stay down. Super weird.
It's seemingly worth it, because the anxious looking guard takes a couple of hesitating steps forward, apparently less brave without his mates around, and half-heartedly tells them to quit it. What did you say, um, about captain? Ed ignores him.]
Uh, I won't unhand you, actually! I'll do the opposite of unhand you! I'll double hand you!
[He lets go of the bar now, Stede's head being safe and all, to scrunch up Stede's jacket in his other hand as well, and give him shake with exactly 0 force behind it. The absolutely batshit look in his eyes implores Stede to play it up.]
no subject
You can't over-sell a jailhouse scuffle, in his opinion. ]
How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am?
[ This is actually ideal, because getting double handed is free real estate to get ahold of one of Ed's wrists. Which does temporarily settle some nameless, harrowing feeling about being separated that he was contending with. Maybe it's a touch too gentle, but, well, he's him. If something he does comes off as too soft or ineffective, people tend not to be very surprised about it.
May as well play to his strengths for the sake of the intricate ritual. ]
When the man in charge hears about this, he won't be lenient.
[ Probably no one has ever had as much fun being in jail as they are having. Good for them. ]
hey remember this
When I signal, duck left, and if you can, sweep his legs like I showed you.
[And then the guard is on them, on Stede, and Ed sort of sees red, blood boiling in a very distracting way, so that he almost forgets to give the word.]
Move!
[And as Stede hopefully ducks left, Ed lets go of him to seize the guard by his shirt and yank him down to the right, slamming his head full force against the bars. No safety grip to protect him.]
ur honor i love them
Mostly it's so masterful because it's Ed's masterful trickery. Stede will be proud to have a hand on the ball in any case.
Which is to say, he ducks left. It's only the fact that they operate on the same singular and very dumb wavelength that makes this successful. Literally anyone else and Stede would have to be like "okay but whose left," or he'd guess wrong and become this man's accidental safety cushion, but not today. Today is a day for moderate success.
Anyway he fails to sweep the legs. He does kick the guard in the ankles very hard instead, though. Given the sturdiness and quality of Stede's standard heel, it's the next best option. Maybe something crunches. Who's to say? Not Stede, who doesn't care and doesn't plan to think about it. ]
Terminology question: does it count as looting if they're not a corpse? Or is this more of a "general thievery"?
[ Local man just rooting through a guard's uniform like a feral little weirdo on main.
He can't say he sees the personal appeal in this part of things, more power to all the pirates out there who are into it, but as needs must. See, the most basic and pressing equation overruling all other thought processes is that keys = no more separate cells. They were apart for so long after getting arrested already, so putting them in different spots was just uncalled for and needs to be remedied. Also it's bad that they are in jail, but that's so secondary. ]